Be still

Losing someone you love.

I don't think I have every, really really, experienced it. My dads dad died before I was born. My moms mom, died before I was born. in vietnam, moms mom, and dads mom arent simply called grandma. they have specific names. i was never really good at remembering the different words. whatever. She died when my mom was young. My dads mom, from what i can remember had Alzheimer. She couldn't do anything by herself. i remember feeding her once when i was younger. My moms dad, well, i don't recollect any memories of him. when we left vietnam, i dont remember feeling sad, or happy, or any emotion for that matter. i was a little too young to perceive the fact that i was going to leave for a very very long time. we went back to visit five years later. That was when i found out my grandfather, my moms dad, my ông ngoại, also had Alzheimer. I remember her saying, in vietnamese of course, "Dad, it's me, Soat, your daughter. Do you remember me?" And he stared at her, and shook his head. and thats where my heart sank. I was young and naive, and thought to myself. How can not remember your own daughter?? I didnt know much about Alzheimer back then. Still don't. I was mad at him then. I wish he were still alive to tell me war stories and life in vietnam way back when. I'm jealous of people who have grandparents. so can i borrow yours?

but back to my subject. losing someone you love. i dont remember the feeling of love towards them (grandparents). i didnt know them you know? so when they passed away. i had no emotion, from what i remember at least. when my moms dad, the last of the grandparents, passed away. I remember everything. it was back when i was in 8th grade i think. we got a call in the middle of the night. i remember walking out to the living room, and there was my mom. crying. did i ever mention how much i HATE it when my mom cries? but yeah. so i just sat there, crying with her. i guess thats my only memory of losing someone i love. but i didnt know him. so did i love him? i guess so. i hope so? sorry if any of that didnt make sense. i was typing what i was thinking.

Talking about death can seem unreal sometimes. Death actually happening to someone you know, someone you truly, sincerely, love to the fullest of your heart, now thats hard.

Losing someone you love.

there are no words .

So many notes. . books . . poems all offered with genuine, hopeless chagrin: There are no words, yet we still seek to find them.

James, I will keep you in my prayers, ALWAYS. And here i thought, how can i love someone i barely knew? well sir, you proved me wrong.

As dumb as this may sound, i don't want to mourn for you. I want to rejoice with you.

Why do we cry?
We have not lost him.
He hasnt left us, he's where he belongs.
So anytime you're mad,
Anytime youre sad.
Anytime you're heart breaks.
Just close you're eyes.
And he'll be there. . with you.
Because you see,
The world may have taken his body.
But thats ALL it can do.
When Jesus died upon the cross.
He took away all of our sins.
He conquered death, so we can live
in heaven where life begins.
Dont ever stop the memories
of the times you have shared with him.
It's Gods way to help you through,
Take time to laugh when life gets hard.
Take time to listen.
Take time to rejoice
He has not left us, he is still here.
Now smile for him.
Share time with close ones.
Keep your head up high.
Live life to the fullest.
Find grace.
Find peace in your life.
And always, always remember that you are never alone.
just close your eyes . . . .
be still.
be strong. I know you're strong. You made me strong.